We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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