someone threw a dead crab at me
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
