she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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