We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
