You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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