just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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