i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Randomize
