Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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