I didn't shave. On purpose
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
