sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
