Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Shame - the story of my life.
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