Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
