kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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