This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
