She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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