10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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