Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
