What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
