The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
