you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
