mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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