For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
