He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
