What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
