I want to have your abortion
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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