I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
