He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
