He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
