I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
