You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
