i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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