i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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