She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
