Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
