he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
