Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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