You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
