420 ftw
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
