When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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