Im at strip club and am horny
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
