Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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