I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
