I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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