I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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