Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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