All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
