his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
