somebody snuck up and got me drunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
