I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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