Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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