the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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