i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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