The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
