Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
