i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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