You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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