It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
