my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got inside last night via doggy door
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
