Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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