the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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