just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
