would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
